Navigating New Adventure, Perspective, and Growth: Learning to Dance in the Rain

East Coast Adventure Week 1: Boxes and December Rain

We did it! In a whirlwind of events, we packed up, sold a house, and moved us and our stuff to Maryland. Because everything happened so quickly, I didn't have time to think about what this really meant until the night before we left. Then I cried....quite a bit of tears...followed by a week of "this is okay", "this is actually good", then another meltdown. 

I wonder how many times a person can think or say "I just want to go 'home'" this first few weeks living in a new city over 1500 miles away. To be completely honest, I have moments where I think:

"It's okay if it's raining all week making my favorite time, Christmas season, gloomy and sad because....this is temporary, we'll be home soon". 

"It's okay if this church isn't really what we want...this is temporary, we'll be home soon."

"It's okay if I don't get right on looking for preschools, doctors, and things to do...this is temporary, we'll be home soon."

"It's okay that I don't get the "homey" feel from this city (yet)...this is temporary, we'll be home soon."

"It's okay that the sun doesn't feel as warm as Colorado sun....this is temporary, we'll be 'HOME' soon."

Then the reality hits that this is not temporary, we are not "visiting", and we are not going to "be home soon" because this IS HOME now. Although that reality briefly throws me into a panic depressed spiral, I do still think this is a positive change, and we WILL feel at home eventually.

Just an adjustment...

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.” -Vivian Greene

It's hard to say that a very positive life change is a "storm", yet most life changes, even when good, tend to bring about a hurricane of emotions. It's an adjustment. Blame it on the INFJ thing, the knowledge I gained recently that I become an extension of my environment, or the simple fact that moving across the country is just overwhelming and tough at times, but this has been more of an adjustment than I had first anticipated. 

But, thankfully, we've made it through our first week...

 

Week 1:

I absolutely love snow. I was worried about leaving a place with nice snowstorms to a place with a shorter winter, so I was relieved with the weather when we got to the East Coast just in time for a nice blanket of big fluffy snow. 

The snow melted quickly, yet the weather remained beautiful and sunny when we moved into our rental on Monday morning. My overwhelming thought: This is good.

Oh how quickly the weather can change my outlook on a new life phase... 

The beautiful snow and nice sun gave me that wonderful peace and calm and a readiness for adventure. Then, by Monday night and throughout the week, the clouds, rain, and gloom came in to take it away, stomping all over it leaving muddy footprints in it's path. 

I do (well used to) love the rain. I remember one spring/summer it seemed to rain everywhere we went (concerts, hikes, Taste of Colorado festival). It didn't ruin the event and actually made it even more fun. Plus, when I was mentioning the rain at that time to my pastor, he told me that rain is God's blessing and an overall reminder of His blessings in my life. Looking back, I can see that it really did rain (or snow) at most of my big positive milestones, including our wedding. Even in that perspective, it was still very hard to put this first rainy week of our transition in that light.

The rain and gloom made it hard to see the city we were hoping to fall in love with. It was not very good timing being dreary and sad the whole first week were were in a new place. It even brought my normally overly optimistic husband "down" a bit. I am still amazed at the impact the gloomy, rainy weather had on us. Apparently, we were just so used to the "usually sunny" weather.

And, here is where I had/have a choice to make. I can either hate it, stay inside the townhome, be miserable...or I can focus on what I truly believe: that this is an awesome opportunity for new adventure, more perspective, and growth. I can "learn to dance in the rain." Take hold of my bravery and keep moving to make my new town "home".

And that is what I did. I didn't let the gloom keep me down. I finished the unpacking and organizing and set up our "home" in only 2 days, in time for my husband to come home from work and the boys to come back from staying at Grandma's to a completed "home"!  It does feel like home complete with Christmas decorations and lights: This is good. 

Boxes the morning after things were moved in

The finished house as it looked the night after our things were moved in.

Yes, I'm cheesy, but I had it all ready for my husband and boys to be home

Christmas lights and ALL

We didn't let the rain keep us inside. We went out as much as we could still: This is good (still).

We visited a mom's group, went to a pretty spectacular grocery store (Wegmans), ran alone and with the family, exploring our area, went to a small town Christmas tree lighting in the rain, and fell into a more "normal" routine: This is good. 

And we did it all, this first week, TOGETHER. Once again, in the first week of December rain, I'm reminded that although the transition is a tough adjustment, "home" truly is wherever we all are together.

Huge mirror wall in our townhome....oh the nature of rentals.....

These two make home WHEREVER I am with them.

And YES, the sun did come out.....yesterday at least....

Sure, we didn't get the first week experience quite like we had hoped. The gloomy, rainy weather and my own hurricane of emotions definitely filled my head with doubts and made for an overall rough week, but I'm reminded that even GOOD, POSITIVE, and RIGHT things can be super emotional and tough at first. It's all an adjustment, and I am still very strong and ready to take it on, to "learn to dance in the rain", to navigate these new adventures the best I know how. 

Besides what fun is it if everything goes perfectly and just as planned? Where is the adventure in that?

"Always remember, it’s simply not an adventure worth telling if there aren’t any dragons." 

-Sarah Ban Breathnach out of Simple Abundance.

(The full paragraph of this quote: "Today, if you feel frightened or unsure about the future, pick up the double-edged sword of Light and Love. Always remember, it’s simply not an adventure worth telling if there aren’t any dragons. But as in the best old tales, at the end of our exploring, you will live happily ever after.")

365 Gratitude Project- Week 13

 Week 13: Enjoying family and capturing fun in the midst of crazy spring weather.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 83:

I am grateful for spring and the mature blooming trees around our house. I feel at peace sitting on the deck surrounded by the big trees.

 

Day 84:

I am grateful for the perspective of my wonderful 4 year old son through photos. These are some unedited photos that HE took on his own while walking around with my camera. It makes me smile to see how he captures things, and I love the angles and perspectives in his photography!

 

Day 85:

I am grateful for the opportunities to step back and not take life so seriously. Moments of dancing, laughing, spinning, playing, smiling. Moments and captured memories like this make everything else in the world right.

 

Day 86:

I am grateful for the moments of sweetness between these brothers, rather than moments of rivalry.
Big Brother: "I want a hug. Give me a hug, please, just like this."
Baby: Just stares, then "okay" and stands up to hug big brother.
SO CUTE!

 

Day 87:

I am grateful for new growth. For learning new things by planting herbs and veggies for the first time. I am also grateful for family time I shared with my husband and boys as we painted the planters and planted the herbs. 

 

Day 88:

Mother's Day. This year I am mostly grateful to come to this day with happiness and a full heart, when I know many others come to this day with sadness... (I wish I could say more here, but I don't quite have the words...)
I really do have so much to be grateful for on Mother's Day, but today I am ultimately just grateful for these boys who made me a mother, and for this crazy life phase of mothering young children.

 

Day 89:

I am grateful for the chirping birds in the midst of the snow. The song in the storm. 

365 Gratitude Project- Week 12

Day 76:

I am grateful for goals and accomplishments (particularly through running). I know I need goals and accomplishments in life to remain happy and healthy. This is especially true after I became a mother. So I began running.
I finished my first half marathon race at 2:17, and very soon after made a new pace goal of under 2:00 for my next. That was two years ago.
Then here we are, at the race, after a pregnancy, a baby, a lot of work, and some super fun achilles issues just a few weeks before the race.
I ended up keeping a very nice pace, while learning a lot from my trainer/running mentor in the process, and I did it. I finished the race well under my 2 hour goal time with a strong PR of 1:54! I was so happy about this PR because I went from feeling strong and ready for the race, to injury, to thinking I would have to sit it out completely (I was pretty crushed), to being able to go to "just have fun and finish", to actually making my goal PR. I did it!
Although I am still struggling with the achilles issues and what my next steps should be (and having to sit out other races I would have liked to run), I am so grateful for the opportunity to complete this goal and have this accomplishment.

Day 77:

I am grateful for new learning experiences and growth from a second child. I've been experiencing and thinking about this a lot, and then today a friend posted a blog, Learning to be Humble, that hit home to what I've felt in this area. I have said so often already in this baby's life that he's thrown out everything I thought I knew about parenting. Far too many times with my oldest I put more weight on what I was doing as a parent rather than on his personality. Then, "So you thought you knew what you were doing huh Mommy? AND you even thought you were good? How cute. Now try this one." Enter in #2, a whole new world, yet a whole new amazing different love. He is so different than big brother, so crazy, and so sweet, and he keeps me running far more than my first, yet I love the challenge and he won my heart when he came into this world. I love the opportunity to grow.

(Another note: probably worse than a non-parent with their advice, article posts, and lists of "I will never..." is a mom who thinks others are doing it "wrong" based on how her own first child acts. I need to apologize to those I judged or treated in this way, for myself being that mom, when I should have been understanding, and when us moms should be sticking together. I am sorry.)

"Hmmm, what dangerous thing can I try now to make Mommy's hair turn gray faster?"

Day 78:

I am grateful for my son's hand to hold. I love that he wants to share these moments with me. This is heaven. He won my heart holding my hand on the day he arrived in the world, and he has an even stronger hold on my heart now. 
"Mothers hold their child's hand for a moment, but their heart forever."

Day 79:

I am grateful for the calm moments I get to watch my son learn and pick up big concepts. I love my little early reader who seemed to make a big jump lately in development. He now knows a few sight words, is sounding out easy words using all of the letter sounds he knows, and is pointing to words as he sounds them out or reads them (the ones he knows). I really enjoy watching early readers grow!

Day 80:

I am grateful for music. More specifically on this day, I am grateful for music/concert date nights. This was one of the funnest concerts we've been to, and at our favorite venue, Red Rocks. It was a very diverse concert that opened our eyes to a bit of the hip hop genre (bands Tedashii and Lecrae), yet completely satisfied the rocker girl part of my heart (specifically from Skillet, but also TobyMac). It's funny how music can make everything in the world feel okay. I love the ability to get lost in the music so everything else that I was worried about, thinking about, fighting with my husband about, just disappears for the night. All the troubles went far away when the music started. I am grateful for music, and the wonderful, relaxing, problem free night.

Day 81: 

I am grateful for Colorado's beauty and the many places here that I have come to love. This feels like home.

Day 82:

I am grateful for opportunities to teach my son a healthy lifestyle so he has a solid base to remain active and strong. Sure, there is a balance that I have not always done well at reaching (leading to a step-back point and unfortunately a lack-of-motivation rut right now), but I am very happy that he sees this in me and can get excited about it someday too.
These are his answers to a Mother's Day thing he did with his preschool teachers. I also laughed at the "My Mom is smart! She even knows...when I do something wrong." Yes! And of course, even though he tells me that last line every day, it was still nice to hear him tell somebody else, and I still melt a little every time I hear it. I love this kid with all of my heart too.

I LOVE this cute smile!!!

365 Gratitude Project- Restart and Refocus

It has been far too long since I worked on my gratitude blog.

75 days was a good consistent stretch, right? I guess I'm going to have to keep going into 2015 to get all 365 days.

The intent of this year of gratitude was to look at, focus on, and remember all the things in my life I am thankful for whether it's family, friends, health, material things, simple pleasures, or everyday annoyances that make me feel alive, especially when days are tough.
You know, things like this:

Then life happened, and those busy days, upset days, sad days, tough situations, doubts and fears all made it far too easy to forget about the gratitude and all the good around me.

Also worthy to note, I've changed dramatically in the past couple of years. Many of my viewpoints, thoughts on my beliefs, religion, and the world have all changed. Once somebody starts the process of analyzing beliefs, one thing tends to snowball into another creating more changes than originally planned. Although this process is necessary and good, I'll admit, I've hit some pretty intense cynical and bitter spots (I probably should have stayed off Facebook during these times because every other post/article/status made me sad or angry and seemed to completely hijack my day).

And while stuck in that cynicism and bitterness, I unintentionally set these gratitude blog posts aside.

(how easy it is to get completely stuck in those negative feelings and thoughts, unable to see the good)

Then, today my sister-in-law introduced me to a song "Thankful" by Josh Groban that I hadn't heard before.

Beyond his overall insanely amazing voice, the song was surprisingly a good reminder for me. "...and even though this world needs so much more, there's so much to be thankful for."

Oops! I had put all my focus on that first part and all that was wrong with the world, my life, and everything around it, completely forgetting about that second super important part. I realized I have been spending far too much energy focusing on the anger, the bitterness, the cynicism, and my own life frustrations lately. I do think it's still important to analyze those things, and those emotions are sometimes necessary to help bring change, but in my life right now, I think it's about time to make a switch and once again focus more on the gratitude.

Thank you, my wonderful sister-in-law, for the reminder. Here's to a restart and a refocus on the amazing things in my life and the world around me.

Back to the Gratitude Project...

365 Gratitude Project- Week 11

Day 69:

I am so grateful that we only have to go to our backyard for some outdoor fun on these BEAUTIFUL days! The baby LOVES the slide and is so fearless that he throws himself down it. Big Brother tried to hold him back a couple of times so I could try to get a photo, which turned out super cute as well. So much fun!  (By the way, I feel the urge to mention that I didn't dress the 4 year old today. I had nothing to do with that and I wasn't even home when he put that on....)

Day 70:

I am grateful for the sweet cuddly moments right when Baby N wakes up from nap. Those are some of the most peaceful moments I have with him, and I get them EVERY DAY! 

Day 71:

I am grateful for tricks I've found on workout days so all three boys still get a somewhat healthy dinner without Daddy having to scramble to figure out something to eat when I tag him in as I'm running out the door to the gym. Easy, and ready to eat when they need it!

 

Day 72:

I am grateful for routine. I am a very routine person anyway, but I cherish these moments that have become routine over the years, including the quiet moments of warm milk after waking up either in the morning or after nap. (Plus it's super cute seeing little brother wanting to be JUST like big brother in these things he sees big brother do every day.)

 

Day 73:

I am grateful for moments of rest and deep breath after very busy....play. 

Day 74:

I am so grateful for this 4 year old and the wonderful dates we get to have just Mommy and Bryce. It was such a wonderful day and I am so proud of him in so many ways.
He is such a good kid.
We drove in Daddy's "zoom zoom car" which he loves (that used to be Mommy's "zoom zoom car" by the way...).
We went to the toy store to pick out a gift for his friend's birthday and he didn't even ask for a toy for himself. He picked out a toy for his friend, and then, when we walked by a group of toys that caught his eye, he just said "Wow! I'll save my quarters for this one!" (He gets quarters as rewards for doing really nice things with little brother or for over-and-beyond things like setting the table without us asking or surprising us by cleaning something other than his room or playroom. The rewards thing has worked wonders with him!) I was pretty impressed. I think MOMMY had the harder time walking away from those toys because I knew he would love them, they were really cool, and I REALLY wanted to buy at least one for him right then...instead we walked away to check out. He was such a big kid to me in that moment.
We left the toy store and went to lunch at The Cheesecake Factory, and he was so much fun at the restaurant. We told jokes, giggled, practiced writing letters, and ate our lunch. We walked around the mall a bit after that just the two of us. It was AWESOME!
As I am working on this grateful stuff, my son seems to have it mastered today. In the car he rambled on and on about the "beautiful day" and all the things in it. "I love this drive to the store, the beautiful weather, the beautiful mountains, the snow on the mountains, the snowflakes falling on everything, the hills we drive fast over, the cool power lines, the grass on the earth, the trees, the beautiful clouds, the wind blowing the car windows...." It was heartwarming listening to him talk the whole way. And he even ended the car ride home with,
"I love time with you Mommy."
MEEE TOOO Son!

 

Day 75:

I am grateful for celebrations! For celebrating life! Bryce has some very fun friends (as do I), and I am so grateful for fun birthday parties with wonderful friends to celebrate another year of a sweet child's life. Bryce had SUCH a fun time at his friend's very creative super heroes party! I was so impressed with the party, the games, and everything else there. So neat. Of course I am also grateful for anything that wears this little boy out. He took a NICE LONG nap when he got home.

365 Gratitude Project- Week 10

Day 62:

I am grateful for family game time. Our 4 year old loves games and is learning so much from them. This game, "Robot Turtles", teaches him basic programming logic. It's pretty fun seeing him enjoy learning these different games. 

We got it from Kickstarter. It's an open source community trying to get ideas to market. It's pretty neat. Check it out.

 

Day 63: 

I am grateful I found more healthy, easy lunch options. I've been less tempted to steal the kids' yummy gluten this week.

 

Day 64: 

I am grateful for the opportunity to renew my mind during Lent this year. Lately, I've been coming into the Lenten Season as a time for reflection, a time to block out all other voices (including social networking), refocus on faith, and evaluate my own life, where I am with God, my faith, and my treatment of others around me. It's a time to simplify, to study, and to search my heart asking some pretty tough questions. Am I living true to my beliefs or just saying them aloud? Am I loving others, or living for myself? Am I twisting my faith or justifying wrong (unloving) acts in the name of "religion", or am I living in LOVE and following Jesus? Are there places within my faith I want to look into and define more? Are there ways I need to change? Are there points I may be missing or perspectives that need a different light? Are there things holding me back from God? Things that are stopping me from loving others and illuminating God's love?
As I am looking at a few of these questions and going whichever direction I feel led, I am focusing on and praying for God's overwhelming PEACE in my life. Peace in my reactions to others (especially my husband). Peace in my decisions. Peace in my failures. Peace in my current situations. That word "peace" has become my main focus this season as I seek God and all of the blessings of Lent.
I want to come out of Lent this year renewed, changed, focused, closer to God, and moving forward as a better person.

 

Day 65:

I am grateful for the light I see in my children. They shine goodness, innocence, light, and love.

 

Day 66:

I am grateful for the relationship developing between these brothers. Even when it seems tough and I spend a sleepless night worried they won't get along, they seem to show each other love and happiness and I love watching their relationship grow. 

Day 67:

I am grateful for a few things today: time alone to just breath, a church community/worship/message at JFC that always seems to bring me back to a better place emotionally, and some go to verses that ended up being the ONLY thing that got me through a high anxiety night. 

Day 68:

I am grateful for an alternative to running that I do really enjoy, YOGA. I am also grateful for the friendship of a person who, no matter what is going on in her life, always seems to want to help me and is always willing to meet with me somewhere (anywhere), as she did this morning for yoga followed by a nice lunch.

365 Gratitude Project- Week 9

Day 55:

I am grateful for the super nice weather breaks in the middle of the winter so the kids can play outside. (and for the cuteness of little baby shoes over footsy PJs. The things we put on our kids...)

Day 56:

I am grateful for another day to be alive. I know, I know, that's pretty general, but my 4 year old woke up in an incredible mood this morning and said while drinking his morning milk, "Hey Mommy, I am just happy to be alive.", followed by a deep breath and an adorable, content kind of smile.  Yep, son, me too.

Day 57:

I am grateful for organization. Even if it takes a good amount of work in the beginning to get things organized (and with crazy kids, it rarely stays organized), it's all worth it and makes me feel so much less stressed. I finally took the time to clean the pantry, partly so things wouldn't continue to fall out every time I opened it. I cleaned out all of the gluten (except a couple things for the kids), threw away all of the expired things, and then tackled the fridge in the same way (even making the space to organize and store all of those different flours for baking now). I feel so much better now that it's done.

Day 58:

I am grateful that we don't have mice...
because if we had even one, it would never leave with the amount of crumbs this house has on the floor pretty much all of the time...

Day 59:

I am grateful that I found a really yummy gluten free pizza crust recipe. It's easy, it works, and tastes awesome. I am so grateful for that because I love pizza and really didn't want to give that one up completely. (I am also supposed to give up tomatoes because they came up as "moderately reactive" in my food sensitivity test. I hardly ever have them now, but again....pizza. Hopefully a little tomatoes here and there won't make my head hurt.)

This plate is my favorite handmade pottery from Batton Clayworks.

Day 60:

I am grateful for the beauty found in nature. It snowed this morning and we couldn't help but stare at all of the pretty, perfectly formed snowflakes sticking to the window. I LOVE when it snows like this, and I am always fascinated watching these picture perfect snowflakes falling, sticking to the windows, and staying for awhile before melting. It was so peaceful and so beautiful. There are far too many metaphors or connections that can be made between unique snowflakes and something in life, but I won't go there, because this time I am truly just grateful for the beauty of them.

Day 61:

I admit, I do complain quite a bit about not getting any "alone time". Seriously, most days I rarely get to go to the bathroom on my own. (read this Scary Mommy blog post, 25 Ways You Know You're a Stay At Home Mom, for a laugh. I actually related to most of them, but #13 and #23 on that list describe the part about being alone in the bathroom.)

BUT, today I feel very grateful that I have this little face (and also his brother's little face) to be constantly watching everything I do, because their little eyes on me are helping me to be a better person on a daily basis.