I am not sure why I need reminders to put myself in my child's mind before assuming anything. I am a parent. I love my children. This comes naturally right???
The sample from the MOPS craft for the 2-3 year olds yesterday:
Bryce's finished craft:
Although I know he is only 3 and crafts are NEVER like the sample, which I also know is absolutely fine, I still found myself start to wonder if he didn't understand where the animal stickers should go, if he's having a hard time following simple directions, or if he truly couldn't care less where those stickers went and just wanted to go play instead. (Seriously, after typing this paragraph, I'm reminded of something else: I really need to stop over-thinking things.) So, I asked a simple question.
Mommy: "This is a cool craft you made."
Bryce: "Yep, I made that!" (He's very proud of himself these days which I really do love.)
Mommy: "Why did you decide to put all the animals on the rainbow?" (thinking he would just shrug and say "because I wanted to" or not answer at all.)
Bryce: "Because they are all sliding down the rainbow. It's fun!"
Mommy: "Ohhh..."
Sure enough, look at the angle of most of the animals. It is clear they are sliding down the rainbow. He wasn't being random. He had a plan.
And here I assumed he didn't care and was just slapping the stickers on the paper without putting much thought into it....
Ok, so this craft wasn't a big deal and it truly wouldn't have mattered if he put thought into it or not, but it was a reminder for me to not jump to conclusions, get mad at him, or assume he's doing something "wrong" when he's actually just thinking differently than I am. Kids really do have a pretty awesome thought process and I am seriously amazed when I hear about his thinking and ideas. Why does it seem as parents we often think a child, even at 3, needs to be thinking the same way as the adult or doing things exactly the way we say to do them?! (please tell me I am not the only one who falls into that mindset at least some of the time!)
But, this reminds me of another situation:
We came home from MOPS and I asked Bryce to hold the door open for me because my hands were full. He ran in and let the door close on me. I opened the door and struggled to get in, very irritated that he wasn't doing what I had asked him to do. I let the door latch behind me which made him VERY angry. I didn't understand why he was crying and he was too worked up to tell me what happened. Finally, he pointed at the door and said "open", then pointed to the playroom and said "wedge". Apparently he WAS doing what I had asked after all. He wasn't playing in his playroom, but was instead looking for a wedge to put under the door to keep it open for Mommy. Good idea. Not what I was thinking when I asked him to please hold the door for Mommy, but good thinking. Thankfully, I held back my frustration and listened to him in that moment.
I admit, I am not always good at keeping assumptions out of the situation, holding my temper, and listening to what is really going on in his little mind. I have very often jumped to the conclusion that he just isn't listening and maybe even being naughty. Then, after my overreaction, when my anger is all out in the open, and when I find out what really bothered him, I'm left apologizing and feeling like an idiot, laying awake at night, praying for grace. I am sure that never happens to any other parent right?
I hope I can always remember to encourage him to think through other ideas, even when it is different from how I think it should be.
Today I am embracing the amazing ways kids think, and the times I'm able to remember to put myself in his mindset before jumping to my own conclusions.
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