Whatever Works #1

As a mom, I have heard and repeated many times the phrase, "Eh, whatever works!" This is my first post with a "whatever works" moment. I am hoping to post many more of these, because these moments do seem to come up often. 

I have had days with both kids where nothing seems to work. They won't sleep, they won't listen, I can't get anything done, and nothing goes the way I need it too. Then (usually by chance), I will come across something that does work. It is usually something pretty random. For example, I found that running water was the best soothing sound for Baby N when I thought he was hungry for more milk than I could supply, so I started the warm water to heat up pumped milk. Within 10 seconds, that screaming baby in my arms was fast asleep! 

Sometimes, the things you least expect (or the things you aren't supposed to do) are the things that end up actually working to achieve at least a little sanity or peace in the day. 

Today's post comes on a day when my 3 year old has tested my every ounce of patience, and my 3 month old has been fussy and decided naps really aren't necessary. With the mood these two are in today, it's no surprise this "whatever works" post is showing the ONLY way I've been able to get my baby to sleep today; the ONLY way I've been able to get even a minute of quiet time.

Today Baby N would only nap swaddled, in the carseat, rocking, on the deck (which apparently added a little extra jiggle to the rocking necessary for him to fall asleep)....

Awww, finally some peace... with the added bonus of wonderful fresh air! 

Whatever Works

 

A Mind of his Own

I am not sure why I need reminders to put myself in my child's mind before assuming anything. I am a parent. I love my children. This comes naturally right???

The sample from the MOPS craft for the 2-3 year olds yesterday:

 Bryce's finished craft:

Although I know he is only 3 and crafts are NEVER like the sample, which I also know is absolutely fine, I still found myself start to wonder if he didn't understand where the animal stickers should go, if he's having a hard time following simple directions, or if he truly couldn't care less where those stickers went and just wanted to go play instead. (Seriously, after typing this paragraph, I'm reminded of something else: I really need to stop over-thinking things.) So, I asked a simple question.

Mommy: "This is a cool craft you made."

Bryce: "Yep, I made that!" (He's very proud of himself these days which I really do love.)

Mommy: "Why did you decide to put all the animals on the rainbow?" (thinking he would just shrug and say "because I wanted to" or not answer at all.) 

Bryce: "Because they are all sliding down the rainbow. It's fun!"

Mommy: "Ohhh..."

Sure enough, look at the angle of most of the animals. It is clear they are sliding down the rainbow. He wasn't being random. He had a plan.

And here I assumed he didn't care and was just slapping the stickers on the paper without putting much thought into it....

Ok, so this craft wasn't a big deal and it truly wouldn't have mattered if he put thought into it or not, but it was a reminder for me to not jump to conclusions, get mad at him, or assume he's doing something "wrong" when he's actually just thinking differently than I am. Kids really do have a pretty awesome thought process and I am seriously amazed when I hear about his thinking and ideas. Why does it seem as parents we often think a child, even at 3, needs to be thinking the same way as the adult or doing things exactly the way we say to do them?! (please tell me I am not the only one who falls into that mindset at least some of the time!)

But, this reminds me of another situation:

We came home from MOPS and I asked Bryce to hold the door open for me because my hands were full. He ran in and let the door close on me. I opened the door and struggled to get in, very irritated that he wasn't doing what I had asked him to do. I let the door latch behind me which made him VERY angry. I didn't understand why he was crying and he was too worked up to tell me what happened. Finally, he pointed at the door and said "open", then pointed to the playroom and said "wedge". Apparently he WAS doing what I had asked after all. He wasn't playing in his playroom, but was instead looking for a wedge to put under the door to keep it open for Mommy. Good idea. Not what I was thinking when I asked him to please hold the door for Mommy, but good thinking. Thankfully, I held back my frustration and listened to him in that moment. 

I admit, I am not always good at keeping assumptions out of the situation, holding my temper, and listening to what is really going on in his little mind. I have very often jumped to the conclusion that he just isn't listening and maybe even being naughty. Then, after my overreaction, when my anger is all out in the open, and when I find out what really bothered him, I'm left apologizing and feeling like an idiot, laying awake at night, praying for grace. I am sure that never happens to any other parent right?

I hope I can always remember to encourage him to think through other ideas, even when it is different from how I think it should be.

Today I am embracing the amazing ways kids think, and the times I'm able to remember to put myself in his mindset before jumping to my own conclusions. 

Finding the Time

I have heard numerous times how very important it is for a mother to pursue her own interests, but seriously, where is the time a mom needs to do that?? She can totally make it happen. It may just look a bit different after kids....

Pursuing my interest WITH my child when I don't have enough time to do it on my own!

Mommy's View

______________________________

Bryce's View

Following Mommy's Lead

Bryce's favorite subject for his photography is Baby Nathan.

Mommy followed HIS lead on these. We both took photos of whatever he wanted.

Although I absolutely still need my own time, working on photography with my 3 year old was pretty fun! If I can't get out to do it on my own, at least I can still take some shots to work on photography while at home with my kids. 

I now wonder what interests and hobbies Bryce will pursue as he gets older...  

Mother of Two

New life situations never seem to sink in right away.

Then, one day, something so simple will make that change a reality; make it really stick. Right then it hits you. A moment stops you in your tracks and makes everything feel so real. A"Wow, I really made it!", "I actually did it!", "I'm really here!", "This really happened!", "I am really doing this!", "Oh my...." "Wow!" kind of moment.

This happened on Easter morning when I put together the boys' Easter baskets. I put Bryce's together, and then made a little basket for our 2 month old's first Easter. When I was done, I put them side by side on the kitchen table. I took a step back to look at the baskets and all of a sudden it hit me. I made TWO baskets. There are TWO Easter baskets in front of me. I have TWO kids. I am the mother of TWO! 

There are quite a few other moments that could have sparked this step back realization: a sleepless newborn night, a busy toddler day, a routine trip to the grocery store with an infant carrier in one hand and toddler's hand in the other, two kids 3 years apart screaming at the same time, or any of the many opportunities I have had to practice multitasking these past 2 months. Instead it was sparked by something so simple: two Easter baskets side by side on my kitchen table. 

Wow! I am really doing it. I am the mother of two.

The Truth

Lately I have found myself falling into darkness. This darkness is where I compare myself and my parenting methods to other mothers who seem to have it all together. Yes, I know they probably don't actually have it all together (who really does anyway?), and I know they may have similar struggles (and maybe some struggles I can't even fathom). Yet here I am. In the dark. Questioning everything I am doing, which usually leads to thinking I am doing everything wrong, which causes me to compare even more in a quest to find the "best" method and to be the "best" mom I can be. I continue down this spiral. This is the worst place for a mom to be because it robs her from seeing the wonderful mother she truly is, and it prevents her from seeing her wonderful children for who they really are. 

Today, to break this spiral and find some of my confidence, I decided to fully look at my children, putting all parenting methods, ideas, and perceptions completely aside. 

Happy, peacefully sleeping, calm, growing, healthy infant. I must be doing something right! Look at that peaceful face!

 Very happy, smiley, healthy, loving, active, polite, confident, independent big boy. I must be doing something right! Look at the happiness in those eyes!

It is easy to see that I am doing things just fine when I step back and REALLY look at these kids.  Happy, healthy, growing, loving boys. This is all that truly matters. There it is. The light. The truth.

"My Friend Mommy"

Meet Bryce.

Bryce turned 3 in December. 

He knows what Mommy calls him: sweetheart, baby, and Bryce-a-roo (I'm sure he'll love that one when he's older), but right now he is trying to define who HE thinks Bryce is.

Some days he is a pirate.

Some days he is an airplane.

Some days he is "Doctor Bryce".

 Some days he is a baker.

Some days he is a photographer. 

Some days he is a musician.

He changes it up each day, but he does stay consistent with at least two definitions of himself.

Every day he is "Big Brother Bryce". (this is now how he introduces himself to people)

It is obvious he loves his little brother!

And, my favorite, he is Mommy's big boy! 

This photo taken by Andrea Flanagan Photography

In trying to make sense of the world around him, Bryce is trying to define not only himself, but also his relationships and the people in his life. So, what does he think of Mommy considering he spends most of his waking time with her?  I sometimes worry that he thinks of me in the same way I think of myself: mean mommy, scattered, incapable, terrible mother, an "I-can't-handle-this" type of person (as well as many other negative self assessments). 

Who does Bryce actually say Mommy is? "Friend". That's right. I am now being introduced to others as "My Friend Mommy." 

Of course I have heard, "Don't be your child's 'friend'. You are a parent, not a friend." Although he does get "mean mommy" and the discipline he definitely doesn't enjoy, in his little world I am his friend. I play with him everyday, talk with him, eat with him, share with him, spend time with him and laugh A LOT with him. We have fun together. I am not only his Mommy right now, but his friend! 

He once said to me, "Mommy, someday you will be a princess, but you are just Mommy right now."

His view of me and our mother/son relationship will probably change drastically as he grows up and discovers more about the world and more about who he really is.

There will come a day when he will have a handful of other things he will want to call me, and I'm sure none of those things will be "friend" (although he probably won't view me as a princess either). Until that day, I am so happy to be called "My Friend Mommy" and I will fully enjoy this definition and this phase in our mother/son relationship.

Embracing being seen as these two boys' "friend"!

Embracing Motherhood One Photo at a Time

I wanted to start a photo focused blog this new year as a way to force myself to take photos each day, to learn more about photography, to do something for myself, and to gain a little insight or perspective while embracing the everyday tasks of motherhood.

It is now the end of March.

Then, the other day I found myself in the middle of my "newborn Mommy breaking point" (as another mom friend calls it). This is that phase after the "Look-at-me-doing-SOO-well-despite-the-sleep-deprivation/colic/baby-gassiness!-Wow-I've-got-this-Mommy-thing-down" phase. This is the phase where any newborn Mommy bliss seems to almost completely disappear. Now Mommy just feels exhaustion, inability to get anything done with baby on Mommy all the time, toddler wanting more attention than Mommy physically or mentally has, and a house that keeps getting messier and messier (yet still standing...not burnt down...which is truly all Mommy can seem to manage at this point). This was me hitting the wall.

So, what did I do in that emotional place?

I took photos. I took photos of the mess. Didn't clean the mess. Didn't pick up 6 week old who was crying somewhere in the middle of the mess. Didn't answer toddler who was saying whining screaming, "mommmmmyyyy" over and over again while actively contributing to the mess. Instead, I took photos.

                                                ONE of the many piles around the house. I decided
                                                                to spare myself any photo memories of the kitchen.


I don't know why I took photos of the mess. I even tried to attach the perspective that someday I'll miss this. Someday when the kids are grown, I'll miss the house being this messy, and long for that time in my life again. (I refuse to think any more into that idea now). Did I feel better? Not at all. It is a good perspective, but, as with most of those feel good perspectives, it just didn't seem to help in the middle of the mess.

I was quickly reminded of one reason I thought to start this blog in the first place; a tool used to step back, do something for myself, and MAYBE gain some insight or perspective in my life as a stay-at-home-mom. Although I can't say I gained any real perspective through the photos that day, I can say that taking them forced me to step back, take a deep breath, live in the present, and laugh at myself a little.

Then, I put down my phone (didn't even have the energy to grab the nice camera for this moment), cuddled my baby, talked sweetly to his big brother, and moved on with my day. One. Step. At. A. Time.